I will move...

I do not know if anyone reads my blog anymore.  But it brings me comfort to write.  I think that by now one would have expected me to have gone back to my “old self”, to have moved on.  But you can see from my blog posts that I am different inside.  Our adoption of Rickson and blending our family with that of Rickson’s birth family changed me in a way that has blessed me and has stayed with me in my heart and mind.  I will never be able to go back to the way it was.  I don’t think some people understand or think it should be this way.  It would be so much easier to just move on.  I do move on, but in a different way.  I move the way God is showing me.  I take with me what I learned and what I saw in the Marshall Islands and know I can do more.  I do not know what that is right now, but I am trying to be quiet and still and to listen.  God will show me. 

Last Sunday I had the pleasure of hearing Beth Guckenberger speak on adoption.  She has written a new book, “Tales of the Not Forgotten”.  As I read her book this week I wasn’t able to sleep.  I laid in my bed wrapped in my soft sheets and remembered the blog post I had written about Elina sleeping on the hard floor with no blanket, while I slept in my soft bed.  So this week as I tried to sleep I found myself in tears thinking of her and all she has taught me.  Elina faces trials every single day of her life.  But she has a strong faith. Her path of faith is a path of trials.  How can I not learn so much from that?

Today in church our pastor spoke about Moses and his trials.  He spoke of the faith of many and how it required them to move even when they weren’t comfortable, to move and be stretched.  So today I am ready to move.  I know the road ahead may not be easy.  I may question what God lays in front of me.  But I know God’s plan is perfect and He is able!  So I will move… I am blessed!