Paradise....and swimming in my clothes

Laura Beach

Baby Rickson in the Pacific, me in my "swimming clothes".

Rickson goes "swimming" in the Pacific. He loved the warm water!

The water was so salty it was hard to stay upright and not fall over and float!

I have never seen such crystal clear water! Funny, I really got used to the conservative dress so much that it didn't even feel strange to be "swimming" with my knees and shoulders covered...although not the knees in this picture...

Don't you start to relax just looking at this picture? I have never felt such peace and calm as I did there!

Myself and another adoptive mother sitting and enjoying this indescribable beauty! We just sat and enjoyed the moment. We did a lot of that in the RMI.

The most overwhelming joy...VERY first moments with Rickson...meeting Elina and Alia, too. We had dropped our bags in our rooms and were down the hall at the Tide Table eating lunch. Chris said he thought he recognized our birth mom from our referral picture and....the rest is history...

Very last moments together at the Majuro Airport. The most overwhelming sadness...

What Faith and Hope mean to me

I love my God so much. I walk with Him and feel His presence each and every day. It has been amazing to see His plan for our family unfolding through the years. We have been through a lot in our 13 years of marriage. We went through years of infertility and miscarriage. We went through Chris’s life threatening illness. And through all this we have grown closer to God and seen him working in our lives because of what we have faced. Wow! God’s plan has been amazing!

If I had to choose one word to describe those years of infertility we went through, I would say “HOPE”. That is what got us through that difficult time in our lives. As we encountered loss and treatment after treatment we clung to hope and knew God had a plan for us. His plan was Chase. We always held onto this hope and knew God heard the desires of our heart. Romans 5:5

Years and years…and years ago when I feel God first placed the idea of adoption in my heart I had no idea of the journey that would take place. If I had to choose one word to describe this part of our journey I would say “FAITH”. This word is so important to me and it is God’s challenge to all of us…to have faith and believe in what he will do for us! Chris and I belong to a community group at our church. We meet on Thursday night’s and each Thursday we discuss a different Bible story of Jesus. This past year we talked a lot about faith. I will never forget what a wonderful man from our group said (Ron Tate if you are reading this…). Ron said that faith is an action word. It requires something of us. I love thinking of faith like that! This adoption has required us to use faith as an action word and to trust in God with all our heart and to know he had a plan that would eventually reveal itself to us. We had to have faith when others said why? We had to have faith when the unknown of an adoption seemed overwhelming. We had to have faith when people said maybe you shouldn’t. We had to have faith when we let doubt creep in and say what if? We had to have faith in God in ALL the details…and we did. And look at our reward!

While I was in the Marshall Islands I also wrote a lot in my private journal. One of the things I wrote a lot about was this faith. I truly had faith in God’s plan and that faith gave me such overwhelming peace! I will never forget sitting out on my balcony at our hotel. My Bible in one hand and my journal in the other. The sweat would be streaming down my face as I sat out on that hot balcony reading my Bible and writing in my journal. I read Hebrews 11 over and over and over. What an amazing chapter! The faith that so many had before me makes my faith pale in comparison. But that chapter gave me strength. I would sit on the worn out chair looking out at the palm trees knowing I was held in God’s hands. Whatever worry I had, be it documents held up in Hawaii or Chris and Chase leaving, was given up to God.

Sometimes faith can be a difficult word to understand and even harder to put into action. But throughout the challenges in my life I have had the wonderful opportunity to do just that. I have learned what faith is and I have put it into practice. It has made me grow closer to God and allowed me to see the miracles He is capable of. I cannot wait to see what He has planned for me next…

Routine

I just finished a game of basketball with Chase. It was so amazing and so "normal". The little things like that are what make me so thankful to be home. I am not a good player and he cheats, so it makes for an interesting game. We laugh a lot. Chris and Rickson watched us and Yogi ran around the yard, well as long as his little red leash would let him run. It was a totally uneventful, perfect evening of just being together. I love moments like that!

I am settling back in to “life in America”. I do better and better each day. I miss Elina and the family, but each day gets a little easier and I am not so overwhelmed with the sadness. I have started to get out and see people and am enjoying showing Rickson off to everyone. We have been getting meals from our neighbors and that has been so helpful! I am still figuring out the routine of getting things done with a new baby, so not thinking about cooking has been a huge help! I laugh each day when I see my laundry piled on the couches. I haven’t quite gotten that down to a science, yet. I get the laundry washed and maybe dried, but not folded. Then it finally makes it to the couch to be folded and I get about half of it done. I am not worried about all the wrinkles and one day, I will get it all put away, too. Makes me miss the Good Earth laundry in RMI. It also makes me think of Elina scrubbing her clothes with her hands over her rain buckets. I try to think of her while I do my daily routine and know she is doing her routine, too. No matter how different they may be, it makes me feel connected at that moment.

The rest of our routine will come in time, I am sure. I will find some type of schedule, get back to work and things will roll right along. Right now, the start of our routine is evenings just being together with our new family of four. Doesn’t get any better than that!

Thumbs...

When I look at Rickson I see his birth mother. When I look at him I see his birth father. I see his birth brothers and sisters. He has Elina's nose, her smile and even her toes. He has his birth father's face. He has his birth brother's smile and his birth sister's eyes. But guess what? He has my thumbs. Chase and I are double jointed in our thumbs and so is baby Rickson. Yes, little Rickson has my thumbs…. Kind of makes me smile…

Street Scenes and locations around the Marshall Islands

Some of the nicer houses - these have electricity (When I first arrived in the RMI, I could not tell the difference between a nice house and a poorer house. You quickly learn to tell the difference.)

Some poorer houses

These kids were so cute. They followed us up and down the street. Here they are playing at someone's house.

A rare sight - a two story house

Garbage strewn beach

Another view of the garbage amidst the shining Pacific

More houses

Popular mode of transportation

Local store (when I first arrived, I thought the buildings were run down. Then I learned this is just how they all look). They are safe and wonderful and filled with friendly people.

Another house

Not what you normally think of when you think of beachfront living...

Another local store

Usually outdated items are just sold on the shelves and you have to check for yourself. These are some REALLY outdated items. Great sale. They even had a jar of half opened mayonnaise that had turned brownish around the lid... yum!

Local store that had Guams for $6.50

Hope no one needs an ambulance! Notice the flat tires!

Handicraft store. This was our favorite one.

Local clinic where I went for my pink eye

The seafood Ramen noodles I ate for dinner almost every single night!

Home away from home... our hotel!

Life at Home

So, it is just after midnight and I can’t sleep. I just keep thinking of Elina. I have been home one full day now and when I stop and relax, (or try to go to bed) I just think about her. I wonder what she is doing “right now”. Is she sad, too? Is she thinking of me? It is the deepest kind of loss. She is still there, but we are separated by the vast ocean and so far away from our next bwebenato. I long to hug her and tell her I love her in person. We were so fortunate we were able to Skype today with Kim. What would I do without her? She is amazing. She has stepped in where I left off. She told me today that if we didn’t skype she thought her phone might blow up. Elina calls her every morning, afternoon and evening. I guess Elina feels the loss, too. Kim said Elina feels it not only for Rickson, but just as much for me, too. In such a short time we became so connected!

If I would have adopted from another country I wouldn’t have known the birthfamily. I would have a child with a family with no face. I would make up a story in my head. I would never know what they were like. I always thought that would be so hard. But now I know that knowing Elina and her family is hard, too. Not because of my time with them, but because of knowing them and having to leave them behind. I carry them with me each and every day, but long to have those moments back. It went too fast. I know I am in the right place with all my family, but I wish for Elina, my new family, to be with us, too. I don’t think she would like it here. It is so busy and fast. You don’t have enough time for bwebenato. She told me today she really misses playing bwebenato with me. The simple life is missing here. I hope all that I have learned from the wonderful Marshallese will stay with me forever and always remind me to slow down.

Tonight is a “campout” in our room. Chase, who spent a month sleeping in the same room with us in the Marshall Islands, has now decided he is scared to sleep in his room. Rickson sleeps in his little red travel bed (tent) right by our bed. Chase and his sleeping bag are right next to him on the floor tonight. Chris is not feeling well and has started on some antibiotics. At least I was used to the nighttime feeding and wake schedule by myself already. I just gave Rickson his last bottle and hope he will make it through the night (or at least until 4am).

I am doing fine back at home. My mom came down today and it was great to spend the day with her. I have missed her so much. I have all my laundry done and am working on unpacking (from the garage). We have left all the bags out there since we don’t want any Rodney’s that may have made it home with us to actually get in the house. We have meals starting tomorrow which will be great. The first thing I thought of this morning when I went downstairs for breakfast was “who will make my French toast or banana pancakes now that I’m not at the Tide Table”. I sure do have some wonderful memories. I am definitely still processing everything and have some good and sad moments. It hits me at different times. Today was hard since I was able to Skype with her. We both cried when we first saw each other. I know the sadness will ease with time, but I am not ready for that, yet. I want these memories to be clear.

Tomorrow I hope to post those street scenes I have been promising. And I guess as long as I can’t sleep at night (until my body realizes it is actually midnight now and not 4pm) I will keep posting.

So everyone, sleep tight…don’t let the bed bugs bite…(now I can say that and laugh since it doesn’t really happen anymore). Yokwe!

Home Sweet Home

Rickson and I were welcomed into the loving arms of our family today. It feels so good to be home....

Cincinnati Bound...

I am sitting here in the Honolulu airport in the exact same terminal where I departed for Majuro a month ago. I feel like I have come full circle. I have not been able to access the internet here in Hawaii until now and don't have much battery power. I just wanted to make sure everyone knew we were on our way home. The last day was a whirlwind and we only found out one hour before leaving for the airport that our documents did arrive. I have so much to say and to fill you in on. If you all don't mind reading more of my journey once I am back at home, I will continue to write for a while. At least until I get you caught up. I want to talk about all the wonderful people I met, the last days with Elina, meeting the birthfather, our hope for a return trip.


Hawaii has been very good for me. I did not even try to get on the earlier flight last night. I just felt like I needed this day to process everything and get myself together. It has been a great day. Rickson and I slept great, we walked along Wakiki beach and spent a few hours there sitting in the shade just watching all the activity. We had lunch, stopped for ice cream and walked up and down the strip. It was a good place to try to get over my culture shock of being back in America. Life is so different here. This was a good day and good way to ease back into it. My first American meal in one month was a McDonald's Big Mac. It sure was good!

Thank you to all of you for all the prayers during this journey. I have felt them and they have helped me. I am looking forward to seeing everyone at home. I will post more when I am home and settled. I have so much more to say.

All my love...Yokwe...

Psalm 139:9-10

Elane ij kalok non ijo ettoloktata irear,
Ak jokwe ijo ettoloktata ikabilon
Kwonaj bed ijoko bwe kwon tel io
Kwonaj bed ijoko bwe kwon jiban io

Please read this special verse and know that this is something Elina and I will read across the sea to bring comfort. I bought a Bible for Rickson in Marshallese. Each member of Elina's family signed the Bible with their birthdates. I also presented Elina with a Bible and we read this verse together. We have all cried over it and know we are connected across the sea's through God's love.

Leaving tomorrow?

We have conflicting reports that our paperwork in on a cargo plane set to arrive tonight. They have informed us to "be ready" for tomorrow morning's flight. We feel very optimistic, but are experiencing some very emotional moments. Elina just left. She stayed late tonight just watching Rickson sleep. She told me tonight she will cry for me and for Rickson. She is coming back in the morning for breakfast and then to go to the airport with us. There have been a lot of tears tonight. When I am settled, maybe in Hawaii for my layover, I will write about our goodbyes. But now I cannot. Please pray for sweet Elina.

Negative news on the package...

Our hotel rental "shuttle bus"

So, we received word today that our package did not make the Wednesday flight. We also received an email notice with this information stating that due to the Micronesian Games (similar to the Olympics, but for the Pacific) that they are incredibly backlogged on freight. Therefore, our package may not be put on the flight for about two more weeks. Today it did not even leave the FedEx facility to try to be put on.

I had a good cry and now am just letting this go. It is out of my control. Maybe God wants me to be here a little bit longer. It is just hard when I know I am ready. As hard as it will be to leave, it is time.

Please continue to pray for us and specifically for this package! Please pray this package gets on (and stays on) the Friday flight (which will be your Thursday).

I will not have Internet access tomorrow or maybe the next day, as we are set for our weekly power outages. I will keep you posted as I know something and can get online.

On a positive note, we had a good day at Laura Beach. When I went to get our rental car this morning that I had reserved they informed me one hadn't been turned back in so they didn't have one. They asked if we would like to take the bus instead. I said we couldn't take the bus the hour drive to Laura because we were stopping off at a birth mother's house and needed a car. She said, no, no, not take the bus, DRIVE the bus. Hilarious...we rented the hotel shuttle bus for the day! They have been so accommodating to us here at the RRE hotel.

One final comment for the night before I go. Doug was really enjoying his ham and cheese sandwich yesterday. He said to me how delicious it was and the ham tasted so fresh. I about fell out of my chair laughing because I told him it probably was. The pig had probably been running down the street in front of the hotel earlier that morning. Ah, life in the Marshall Islands.

Well, I am off for now. Tomorrow we are going to take a lot of street scene pics and I hope to post them for you all so you can get a glimpse into the reality of the poverty and beauty in the Marshall Islands. Yokwe!

Pictures from our Tuesday

I LOVE these girls! (oops, my knee is showing!!!) Elina thought this picture was so funny because Rickson was looking the other direction.
Beautiful mama and beautiful baby!

Netha thinks the Baby Bjorn is great! Notice their beautiful brand new clothes!

Picture taken inside Bikini Atoll Town Hall. They cannot have their town hall on their own atoll because it is uninhabitable due to the US testing nuclear bombs. I encourage everyone to read more about this. This is such a major part of US history that is left out of all the textbooks. This changed a nation, yet, we as Americans know nothing about it.

Okay, here's Rodney (I had to)....so gross I know. I am trying to share experiences just like you were here. So...meet Rodney. (He is in the planter outside my room).

Forever Connected

I sleep in a pillowtop bed with a warm down comforter and contoured pillow….she sleeps on the hard floor with no blanket
I heat things up in a microwave – she heats food over an open fire
I dine on asparagus and filet minon, goat cheese or fresh tomatoes – she eats rice and has a bag of flour and maybe some fish if someone catches them that day
I wash my laundry on sanitary cycle in my upright washing machine – she scrubs her clothes in a bin and hangs them to dry, never really getting them clean
I sit in a glider on my patio by the fire pit to relax – she squats and uses her heels as a chair while she cooks over her open fire to feed her large family
My hair smells of smoke from roasting marshmallows – her hair smells of smoke from surviving
I drive my car – she walks barefoot over rocky coral
I brush my teeth every day – she uses her finger and water (unless someone has given her some toothpaste)
I drink purified and bottled water – she drinks water she collected from the last rain
I wash my hands with antibacterial soap – she takes a shower from a bucket of rainwater
I forget to turn off the lights when I leave the room – her light is the sun, when it goes down, the light is off
I love a child with all my heart – she loves a child with all her heart

We are two women from such different places, but are forever connected. I love this woman with all my heart and soul. I will carry her with me in my heart and long for the next time I see her. I will raise her son to be my own, but never forget how she is so much a part of him. I will look at him and see her face. I see her nose, her brilliant smile, even her toes. Rickson is so much of Elina. I have learned so much from her. I am changed because of her. I have witnessed the ultimate love for a child. She trusts me with her child. I will raise him to know her and to love her. I am leaving my heart with her…

Elina's Gifts

I wish you could have all been there to see them open the suitcase full of clothes and gifts. They didn’t even know what to say. They were all shy at first and then became more excited. It was wonderful to see the children playing with the toys, wearing whistles around around their necks, trying to figure out what slinky’s were and how to put earring studs in their ears. The outfits are precious and I know I will see them all wearing them before we leave. Elina and Netha were both wearing the earrings that were given to Netha. The animal crackers were eaten before you could blink. Lucious took his crayons and writing pad and put it in a secret place in his house. Lucious loves to draw. We explained the shirt to them that said my heart belongs in Ohio. It was such a touching thing and I am so thankful to each and every one of you. The Marshallese share everything with each other. So not only did you touch Elina and her family’s life today, but many others, as well.

I hope you will enjoy these few pictures. They don’t even begin to capture the experience, but I hope it will give you a glimpse into the moment.

Doug meets Elina...and Rodney...

Doug and Rickson - dinner at the Tide Table

So Doug had a great first day that he said was an incredible experience. We spent the morning walking around downtown Majuro and showing him some of our favorite places. It is so beautiful here and Doug is able to appreciate the beauty amidst the poverty and sadness just like I am. So we walked and explored and then had lunch. (Chris we found a beautiful cemetery with access to the ocean that you and I somehow missed). After lunch we took the suitcase full of clothes and presents to Elina and her family.

We arrived at Elina's and I had forgotten to remind Doug that little kids are afraid of Ribelle men. Several of the little girls cried when they saw him. He got out his camera and started taking pictures and it only took them a few minutes to warm up to him. We sat outside at Elina’s and he got to experience being eaten by flies, ants and other bugs. We sit without acknowledging this is happening because we know it is what they live every day and we respect them. Elina showed us the new necklaces she is making for everyone back home. She asked when Doug was going to leave and then the question came…did I know when I was leaving, yet, or could I stay with her on Mili (and we laughed). I then told her that our papers were on their way. The papers are in Guam. I think they will be here this week and then I would leave on Saturday with Doug. With shock she said “this Saturday”? When I nodded she gasped and grasped her heart. It was heartbreaking and all I could do not to break down in tears. I sat and watched her hold her child, knowing it is only for a few more days. She spoke to Rickson in Marshallese and nuzzled him and I know we witnessed a private moment with her youngest son. I will never forget these moments.

We then spent some more time with Elina and many, many of her neighbors who had joined us. Elina then got up and asked if we would eat rice and fish. She wanted to sweep her house out and then would cook for us. She invited us in and we sat and ate. I watched Doug and silently laughed knowing what he was experiencing, having already gone through this several other times. You are in her little house and feel like you are in a baking oven. You are eating food that you might not otherwise ever eat and telling her how wonderful it is while she smiles. All the while more children than you can count are sitting next to you, on top of you and all around you. They all watch us eat. When we are done, they eat any leftovers on our plate. It is a wonderful experience that I wish I didn't have to leave behind.

After dinner we say goodnight to Elina and head back to the hotel telling her we will see her again soon. It is getting a little more emotional each and every time knowing there is an end point now.

When we got back to the hotel we saw some of our friends (other adoptive families) and walked down the hall with them to get ready for our other dinner at the Tide Table. My friend Robin and I simultaneously saw “Rodney” the name we all somehow have ended up calling the large cockroaches. Rodney was headed straight into my room as Doug was unlocking the door. We are both yelling at Doug “Rodney, Rodney” and he is just staring at us with a blank look on his face. We then realized he didn’t know who Rodney was. As he stepped on the cockroach the size of his shoe, he was quickly introduced. Later at dinner even Doug was shocked to know you sometimes have to brush Rodney’s friends off the dinner table. We all laughed. This is familiar territory to all of us by now.

Looking forward to another wonderful day tomorrow.

Monday morning updates - Doug has arrived!

Doug arrived last night to the hotel about 2:30 am. He is still sleeping this morning so I haven't had a chance to talk to him much, yet,but he is here! He had a good flight, but didn't sleep on the plane so is very tired.

We haven't heard a word out of the US Embassy, but it is still early here. And it is still the middle of the night in Manila. So we will wait. I will post as soon as I hear anything...well, that is if the power isn't out. We have had several outages this weekend.

I just wanted to post that Doug is here in case the power is down soon and I can't communicate out for a while. Keep the prayers coming!

Miss you all!

Afternoon with Elina

So Saturday after lunch I was missing Elina. She does not have a cell phone so there is no way to communicate with her. So I went outside, got in a taxi and took the 15 minute ride to her house. I passed the building with the red roof, then the group of trees and shipping trailers and finally the house with the green roof. I spotted the volleyball net as my landmark and stopped the taxi. I got out and Elina’s friends greeted me instantly. However, they said Elina not here. Elina in taxi. I thought that was unusual because Elina is always at her house. Nevertheless, I flagged down another taxi, waved to Netha and Lucious (two of her kids) and headed back to the hotel. When I got back, I walked up the stairs and guess who was there? Elina! She was missing me, too, and decided to come see me at the exact same time! I told her where I had been and we laughed and laughed. Everyone in the lobby heard us and they all laughed too!

We spent a few hours together Saturday and it was wonderful. It was just Elina and me and Nickson, Alia and Rickson. It was the first time Nickson had been to the hotel. He is a bit older so usually off playing with the older boys. I put cartoons on for the kids and Elina and I talked. They call it bwebwenato which means “playing conversation”. That is what people do here. They just sit and talk. It is really nice. We have some silences because of the language barrier, but for the most part we talk. At some points in our conversation yesterday we even said the exact same thing to each other at the exact same time. It is really unbelievable. The two of us are really connected in so many different ways. When this happened, again, we just laughed and laughed. I wish you could all hear Elina laugh. It is contagious!

Elina always asks me when I am leaving. I tell her I do not know. She told me yesterday I could just stay here with her. I joked and said okay, I would just move in with her. She laughed and said, “oh, we go to Mili and live on Mili”. Mili is her home atoll where she is originally from. She loves it there. Elina and Marie (the birthfather – oh did I mention I met him….more for another post) said next time we come back they want to take us to Mili to see where they are from and how much they love it there. Elina said she would love to live on Mili with me.

How am I ever going to leave her….