So, something happened on Rickson’s first birthday. For so long I have felt torn. I feel such loyalty and love for Elina. I feel such sadness and longing for her. I think of her so many times each day that I can’t even keep count. These are feelings that have never lessened and never will. These are the emotions that keep me close to her despite the 7000 miles of physical distance. But with that also came the challenge of finding a middle ground. How could I be so happy when she might be sad? How much of Rickson was lost in all that emotion?

As we were nearing his birthday and the days were getting closer and closer I thought of Elina more and more. I wondered if she was sad. How was she handling him being so far away? Was she okay? I just couldn’t imagine. As I talked to my friend in the Marshall Islands I was able to ask about Elina. How was she…really? Really, she asked? She is fine. She is so happy. His birthday is coming and she is excited. She is not sad. Not at all. She is happy he is with you.

Wow. What an enlightening moment. I finally really “got it”. Maybe it has to do with culture. Maybe it has to do with circumstance. But she is okay. I finally understood. SHE IS OKAY. And you know what? That means I can be too. As his birthday approached I felt a weight released. He is mine. He is my child. I love this little baby boy more than I ever could have imagined. And his birthmother? I love her just as much. Happy birthday baby Rickson. And Elina…thank you….