Not a Bad Day...

I am tired tonight and have been on my feet all day and running here and there with Rickson. He has been fussy the past two weeks, getting over an illness and figuring out it is more fun to walk and crawl than be held and contained. Tonight when he was fussy I stopped and remembered… this is not a bad day! This is nothing compared to what Elina goes through each and every day. Struggling to find food, not having had good water for days because of lack of rain, fighting illness with no healthcare, taking care of a large family with what little she has. I am blessed beyond measure. I don’t have bad days here. I get to experience a wonderful one year old baby becoming a child. I get to see him explore and learn. Each new phase is a learning process for all of us, but it is good. Elina and I are both children of God and we are held in the palm of His hands. There is some reason our lives are so different. But there is also a reason we have been brought together. So on this day I think of Elina and I think of my life. These are good days…

So, something happened on Rickson’s first birthday. For so long I have felt torn. I feel such loyalty and love for Elina. I feel such sadness and longing for her. I think of her so many times each day that I can’t even keep count. These are feelings that have never lessened and never will. These are the emotions that keep me close to her despite the 7000 miles of physical distance. But with that also came the challenge of finding a middle ground. How could I be so happy when she might be sad? How much of Rickson was lost in all that emotion?

As we were nearing his birthday and the days were getting closer and closer I thought of Elina more and more. I wondered if she was sad. How was she handling him being so far away? Was she okay? I just couldn’t imagine. As I talked to my friend in the Marshall Islands I was able to ask about Elina. How was she…really? Really, she asked? She is fine. She is so happy. His birthday is coming and she is excited. She is not sad. Not at all. She is happy he is with you.

Wow. What an enlightening moment. I finally really “got it”. Maybe it has to do with culture. Maybe it has to do with circumstance. But she is okay. I finally understood. SHE IS OKAY. And you know what? That means I can be too. As his birthday approached I felt a weight released. He is mine. He is my child. I love this little baby boy more than I ever could have imagined. And his birthmother? I love her just as much. Happy birthday baby Rickson. And Elina…thank you….

Meeting Marie...

One thing all adoptive parents will wonder when traveling to the RMI is will we meet the birth father?? Of course this question lingered in my thoughts as I met Elina and her children, but I wasn’t ready to ask about him, yet. After all, this is a maternal society and he might be in the picture and I just didn’t know about it. When the time was right I would ask.

Shortly after the adoption Elina gave me Rickson’s vaccination record. It was a small, yellow, water damaged piece of paper. On the front of the sheet it had two lines. One said mother and had Elina’s name. The other line said father and had one simple name… Marie. The name Marie was crossed out. I took the record and examined it back at the hotel. Did it really say Marie or was I reading it wrong? Had the water damage blurred the words and it was really a man’s name like Marty? Or could it be Marlin or Martin? Another adoptive mom and I studied it together. No, it was really Marie. Probably just another woman’s name from the hospital that had been crossed out and the form reused for Elina.

I really didn’t think about it again until a few days later when I went to Elina’s house. Chase and I got out of the car and walked up to her property. The door to her house was open and I watched a man inside making doughnuts. Upon seeing me, this man stepped halfway out of the door, keeping one eye on his cooking and the other on me. He had a cooking utensil in one hand and held his free hand out to me. Then with a giant Marshallese smile he said “Hi, I am Marie” (pronounced Maury - as in Povich).

He looked just like Rickson…

The Beautiful Flag of the Marshall Islands and what it Represents

The deep blue background represents the Pacific Ocean.

The white and orange bands represent the Ratak (Sunrise) and Ralik (Sunset) chains, respectively.

The customary symbolism of orange as the color of bravery and white as the color of peace are also recognized.

The star represents the cross of Christianity, with each of the 24 points signifying a municipal district of the RMI.

The four main points represent the major centers of Majuro, Kwajalein, Jaluit and Wotje.

Is that you, Elina??

Today as I was working and standing in the hospital Operating Room, my phone rang. Expecting it to be a work call, I casually answered the phone. You can only imagine my surprise when on the other end I hear my name drawn out “Laurie (sweetly pronounced with a Marshallese accent) I miss you…Laurie”. I shouted, “is that you, Elina??” And it was. Oh, sweet Elina. Thank you for somehow finding my cell phone number, for calling me at two in the morning your time, for finding a phone to use and calling me from across the world. I couldn’t have imagined a more perfect day…

The Raw Emotions of a Six Year Old...

I guess you had to be there to understand. I guess you had to experience it firsthand to understand how it changes you… We have been home now for 2 ½ months. Tonight we decided to watch our DVD that I put together with all our photographs. Halfway into the video I heard sobbing coming from the floor. Chase was face down covering his eyes and sobbing. I picked him up and held him and asked him what was wrong. He said he misses them… He misses the Marshall Islands. It really affected him, too. That place, the people, the experience…it will never leave us. I love my oldest son and I love his tender heart.

Family History

Last night we were able to Skype with Elina and Kim. While we were talking Rickson fell asleep in my arms. I asked Elina if she was able to see that he was sucking his thumb. He has really taken to this and we don't even need a pacifier anymore. She laughed and said that she sucked her thumb, too. After some clarification due to the language barrier, we all laughed when we realized she meant she HAD sucked her thumb when she WAS a baby... she doesn't suck her thumb now. As we were talking Alia (the three year old) fell asleep in Elina's arms just as Rickson had done with me. She was sucking her thumb. I can't wait to tell him he sucks his thumb just like his birth mother and youngest sister, too!

We also talked about how he is such a happy baby all the time. He is always smiling and laughing and doesn't cry much at all. I asked Elina if the four older children had been like this, too. She said that Alia was very happy as baby, but Nickson (the oldest) is just like Rickson. (Maybe it has to do with the rhyming names). This made me smile because of all the kids, Rickson just melted my heart every time he smiled. When he smiled his face lit up all those around him. I will never forget that smile. And now, I have a reminder of it every time Rickson smiles. I now know where he gets it. I can't wait to tell him one day that he smiles just like his oldest brother. I imagine he will grow to have a similar demeanor, too. I love finding out the details... How blessed we are to have a family history!